Posted by: wellness training services | January 8, 2013

Life’s Journey part 2

MY BOUNDARIES: 

I expect my clients to treat me with respect. I have not ever had an issue in this area.  I have been challenged, in a way like they were trying to catch me out on something, but never been spoken to rudely or anything. If I were, I would draw it to their attention as inappropriate and if it continued they would be told to find another coach, and no refunds.

To keep my ethics and integrity intact I just always have to be aware of my boundaries and my place.  I am the helper, the facilitator; not the teacher. Sometimes I feel like a taskmaster but I guess that’s part of it and I always try to come at it from a positive angle. Treating coaching as a profession helps me keep my integrity, self respect and ethics because that framework removes most of my personal baggage and sets me in a more neutral role where I do not take comments a client might make as personal slights – I can ‘assume the role’. I admit in the interest of time I have jumped ahead to the conclusion for a client but it is much more effective if they come up with their own “AHA!!”  

WHAT THE COACHING COURSE HAS DONE FOR ME:

The coaching course has helped me find my voice. I am now able to speak out and speak up.  Always the mediator, the peace maker and someone who dies inside when I hurt someone else’s feelings, I found it extremely difficult to say what I thought about things for fear of how people would react. Through coaching, I have discovered and learned ways to say things in a more approachable way. For instance I can now honestly say I disagree with someone without making it a challenge. I am able to express my differences and am not afraid to continue on, perhaps adding that I appreciate their view, but it is not mine. While coaching, I have had to call people on evasiveness and point out some less than illustrious themes repeating in their lives. I have learned and am continuing to learn how to bring these into view in non-judgemental ways. My goal is to create awareness and not be demeaning.  Coaching has taught me how I can use language with intent, and my intent is to uplift them.  I am learning boundaries and what is OK for me and what isn’t. And, I am also becoming a person who acts when boundaries are crossed instead of just fuming inside. I now take the time to think (usually I would be too flustered to think) and to say NO (usually I would have tried to negotiate a half-way point). Another ‘aha’ awareness for me is that I always thought everyone else was much smarter than I am. My boundaries have changed and now my respect for myself has changed. In the past I thought I respected myself but I can see that I didn’t. I used to tell someone who took advantage of me that nobody with any self-respect would put up with what they dished out to me. But I realize now that I was indeed putting up with it; so where was my self-respect?

 

  • Now I respect myself much more and to be treated as a sap who would kneel over and accept a bad situation is really, really not OK. And I am not willing to take a hit for somebody else’s foolishness.

 

  • Now I see I ‘should have’ gone back to some of the issues I accepted in my life and demanded some kind of remedy but I didn’t have the emotional strength to do it back then. I can feel that I am responding to things differently now. All these shifts are bringing me more into ‘who I really am’ and that makes a difference in what I bring to this world.

 

  • Now I express and share these strengths while taping into my highest good within myself. I am able to say what I think and want outright to everyone, without just getting mad (which I could) and calling names, which wouldn’t help anything. Fleetingly gratifying, but not helpful. 

 

  • Now I know it is my highest good to deal with issues with poise and grace and strive to meet things on a much higher plane than ever in this lifetime and this will affect many things from now on. 

 

  • Now, because of my renewed self-respect and my greater sense of the limits to my boundaries, I am actually operating from a safer, not more dangerous, space. Odd, but I just had a little aha. I always placed a negative hitch to “boundaries” having them synonymous with “Walls” which I felt were counterproductive. Knowing what’s OK and Not OK for me and surrounded with the warm cloak of Respect is actually protective. Somehow I must’ve had the idea that to take your place as an autonomous individual was opening yourself up for attack. From these experiences in my own life I not only survived but with the help from coaching and being coached, I have mastered new tools, new awareness and in a large way, found mySelf. From these days forward I will be able to face clients, people in power positions, and others with honesty, grounded in a fuller sense of Who I Am. I will not accept BS because that is crossing my boundary. I know that communication needs to be clear, so intent is always understood in order for everyone to co-create together. I am finally stepping into my power. I had always been afraid of my own power, feeling it behind me like a great smoking dragon waiting to lash out and devour everything and everyone in its path. I was afraid if it ever got loose, horrible things would happen. I felt its strength and fretted that if I tapped into it, I would become over-bearing, super competitive and impossible to get along with.

 

HERE IS GRACE’S BOTTOM LINE:

I never realized how missing 2 ingredients: Respect and Boundaries, could leave you out to every day’s whim.  When you don’t have any feel for what’s really OK and what’s not, and if it’s crucial to reach peace at any cost, even if you know the people around you are mostly crazy, you cannot – absolutely cannot – draw from your own power. It is energetically impossible.

DANIELLE’S MESSAGE FOR LIFE: Grace has expressed so many benefits to how both the coaching course and the coaching process can bring increased self-knowledge, self-development, and self-awareness to our life’s journey.  I couldn’t have expressed the benefits better.  We are all seeking balance within – maintaining an even keel in life while we also assert our personalities on the world. Maintaining our inner balance is what we are all striving for as we evolve and share our strengths in the world. When striving for balance, we can draw on our Creator [Mental Side-AIR] in us to seek out learning opportunities and to understand who or what we are; we can draw on the Competitor side of ourselves [Social-Mental Side-FIRE] to understand when to use our power and will to affect change; we can draw on our Compromiser [Social-Physical Side-WATER] to care for and tend to others, and we can draw on our Avoider [Physical Side-EARTH] in us to withdraw from time to time and play it safe while we take rest and repair.

Using all the tools available to us, we can carve out and shape a life that is well-tempered, sharpened, and honed to express our highest principles and values. I wish you continued success along life’s highway and I deeply appreciate all the effort and work you do to increase self-discovery, self-knowledge, self-awareness and your commitment to assist others. This commitment takes courage and fortitude and effort. Continue to grow, evolve and temper your strengths in life itself and continue to reach for the highest.

Danielle Gault, January, 2013 [Thanks, Grace for sharing your wonderful Reflection]

 

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